Healthy Selfishness

Here it is, my first actual post!

Healthy Selfishness by Dr. Rachael Heller, Dr. Richard Heller

" It is a way of thinking, and acting in which there is deep appreciation, compassion, and concern for yourself - by yourself. ..... Psychologists define healthy selfishness as a higher level of mental function that leads to the ability to reach your full potential. .. To be healthfully selfish is to know your limits and to accept and respect them, to rest when you are tired, provide yourself with nourishing, appealing food when you are hungry, to go to the bathroom when you feel the urge....... and in all things to accept that you are not perfect."
(me: don't overdo it though, if not i think it is called 'pampering yourself' instead. hahahaha)

Now, the opposite of healthy selfishness.

"Self-denial can be defined as the surrendering of your needs, preferences, and desires in order to fulfill the needs, preferences, or desires of another person. It often stems from unreconciled fear, guilt, feelings of unworthiness, or the belief that you lack willpower.
Self-denial is a hallmark of childhood in which you may have been devalued, .... your needs were disregarded, in which you were judged unfairly, and in which your efforts, abilities and achievements were rarely appreciated."

There's a few chapters in the book portraying different scenarios in our life, one of which is 'Healthy selfishness with your family'.

"As adults, most of us continue to react to our families as if we were still dependent on them for our very existence. We comply with unreasonable demands, tolerate unacceptable behaviors, and allow them to shame, blame, and criticize us into submission. Guilt runs the gauntlet and virtually any act of independence may be seen as full-fledged mutiny.
.....Because we've been taught or shamed into thinking that, when it comes to our family, we should accept behaviors that we would never accept from an acquaintance or stranger.
"After all, he's your brother," we hear, or "But she's your own flesh and blood." Comments such as these are often accompanied by a shrug and a sickeningly sweet smile, indicating it's not really fair, but what else can you do?"
Never accept behavior from a family member you wouldn't accept from a stranger

(wow, jeez that sounds like being fierce and strict... sounds like rebel. gahs.)




Hm, there are still a lot of other contents in the book, but i'm kind of tired at the moment. I'll stop here. So, if you have always thought -
" Why are others so incompetent?" , or
"He's giving my hell all day!" , or
"I seem to have no time to myself at all... "
or anything regarding you friends, mates, work etc.


then maybe you should give this book a try. It gives you a solution to your problem, but it is up to you to take it.

Not Ready Yet!

I'm still in the midst of 'renovating' my blog!

hope you guys would visit again soon, hopefully it'll be up by then.
I'm trying a different approach to blogging; a new genre - that doesn't include my daily life as a blog topic.


Stay tuned